So when conservatives argue that same-sex couples are going to “destroy” the “sanctity” of marriage, we wonder, wait, didn’t we already do that?
His or Hers Jealousy? Study Offers New Explanation for Sex Differences in Jealousy
When South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was caught red-handed returning from a tryst with his Argentine mistress last June, he told the Associated Press that he had met his “soul mate.” His choice of words seemed to suggest that having a deep emotional and spiritual connection with Maria Belen Chapur somehow made his sexual infidelity to his wife Jenny Sanford less tawdry.
What the two-timing governor didn’t understand is that most women view emotional infidelity as worse, not better, than sexual betrayal. This may explain why Hillary Clinton stayed with Bill Clinton and seemed unconcerned about his sexual affair with Monica Lewinsky. Research has documented that most men become much more jealous about sexual infidelity than they do about emotional infidelity. Women are the opposite, and this is true all over the world. The prevailing theory is that the difference has evolutionary origins: Men learned over eons to be hyper-vigilant about sex because they can never be absolutely certain they are the father of a child, while women are much more concerned about having a partner who is committed to raising a family.
New research now suggests an alternative explanation. The new study does not question the fundamental gender difference regarding jealousy—indeed it adds additional support for that difference. But the new science suggests that the difference may be rooted more in individual differences in personality that result from one’s relationship history but that can fall along gender lines.
Is Marriage Good for Your Health?
By TARA PARKER-POPE
In 1858, a British epidemiologist named William Farr set out to study what he called the “conjugal condition” of the people of France. He divided the adult population into three distinct categories: the “married,” consisting of husbands and wives; the “celibate,” defined as the bachelors and spinsters who had never married; and finally the “widowed,” those who had experienced the death of a spouse. Using birth, death and marriage records, Farr analyzed the relative mortality rates of the three groups at various ages. The work, a groundbreaking study that helped establish the field of medical statistics, showed that the unmarried died from disease “in undue proportion” to their married counterparts. And the widowed, Farr found, fared worst of all.
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Is Marriage Good for Your Health? - NYTimes.com Fortunately, it’s just the companionship and support that seem to be at issue. No need to discount the poly here—the more people you’re joined to, the better! |
The Future of Marriage and Non-Traditional Relationships * Popup * Download From an early age, society teaches that monogamy is the only option for having a family and living a long, happy life. But does society have room for those who do not fit this mold? What are the legal, individual and social ramifications for those who seek non-monogamous relationships? We speak with a law professor, marriage and family therapist and a pioneer in the polyamory community about the future of relationships.
By TODD RICHMOND, Associated Press Writer Todd Richmond, Associated Press Writer – Fri Apr 9, 4:35 pm ET MAUSTON, Wis. – Mike Taake has taught sex education for 30 years, and he says he knows what doesn’t work: just telling kids to wait. The Mauston High School health teacher has used abstinence-only and comprehensive curriculums, and he said students need all the information they can get about sex to make the best choices. But teaching them about contraceptives could land him and other teachers in court. Juneau County District Attorney Scott Southworth last month sent a letter to area school districts warning that health teachers who tell students how to put on a condom or take birth-control pills could face criminal charges. The warning has befuddled teachers, school administrators and parents in Southworth’s poor, rural county. “Seems like a step back in time,” Taake said of Southworth’s logic. Southworth, a Republican and a Christian evangelical, took issue with a law Democratic Gov. Jim Doyle signed in February requiring schools that teach sexual education to adopt a comprehensive approach.
In the process of trying to create sex-positive, empowering porn for women, award-winning sex educator, columnist and feminist pornographer Tristan Taormino says she’s learned a lot about what makes porn actors tick. “For many of them, no matter how much they love their jobs, it’s still a job,” she says. “They’re entitled to show up and have a good experience while they’re getting paid.” Ten years after falling into the adult film business, Taormino has carved a successful career producing what she calls “organic, fair-trade porn” through her company, Smart Ass Productions. Her movies have earned critical acclaim for challenging contrived stereotypes in what is admittedly a boys’ club, putting women in charge of their sexual encounters both on- and off-camera. “For me, feminist porn is all about having a filmmaking process that is intentional, ethical and responsible and creates a really good work environment,” says Taormino, who is nominated in four categories at this year’s Feminist Porn Awards. “It’s about respect and choice.
It might not seem close to the Middle East culture, but what would our planet be like if females ruled fornication? Sex and the Stewardship of Mother Earth The answer to that question may be as close as your nearest zoo. Those who study primates point to the unique sexual behavior of this species. Once upon a time, they were called ‘pygmy chimps’ because they resemble small chimpanzees. And like the chimps, they share 98% of their DNA with humans. But the bonobos have a exceptional social structure and method for keeping the peace. First, theirs is a matriarchal society, which means to ladies lead the pack, and second, they have sex. Lots of it. The bonobos have found the solution to world peace. It’s called love. Whenever there is a dispute, they resolve it with a good bout of nooky. A bit of masturbation here, a little tickle where it feels really good there, and soon enough the tension is relieved. Have a problem? Not after you’ve had sex, bonobo style. And if you have any doubt about female satisfaction, rest assured that these apes know how to swing. Wink wink, nod nod, grunt grunt, sigh. In fact, in their natural habitats, Bonobos have rarely demonstrated hostile or violent behaviors towards another. Now we are not suggesting that we become a matriarchal society (although some balance is still very much in order around the world), nor are we suggesting that world leaders start mounting each other at summits for peace. That just is too strange for our imaginations. But don’t you agree that we can learn something here? Mother Earth is suffering from our mistreatme
Polyamory, if you break up the two parts of this word, is exactly what it sounds like. “Poly” means more than one, and “amour” means love. More than one love!
The less-enlightened may assume that polyamory simply means promiscuity, but that is hardly the case. Generally, these are like monogamous relationships, in the sense that you go on dates with someone you’re interested in and get along with, which may eventually lead to sleeping with that person.
The only difference is that, in poly-relationships, you do this with a number of people simultaneously. Christie explained to us that, like in monogamous relationships, things like communication and honesty still apply, and jealousy is just as much of a problem.
I really think polyamory is a form of radical love that is slowly, but surely, replacing the outdated hetero-normative kind. People are realizing that being forced into lifelong monogamy is not how many of us are hardwired. Why else are divorce rates at almost 50 percent? Why else is there so much cheating and heartbreak?
In the end, like all relationships, polyamorous ones are dealt with on an individual basis. Feel like only being with one person? Then do so. Feel like being with a few? Why not?
If we could all wrap our heads around this concept of love, I don’t think relationships would be such a crapshoot. Say you’re dating three people and one of them breaks up with you. Yes, it would hurt, but you would always have another person who is there for you.
The less-enlightened may assume that polyamory simply means promiscuity, but that is hardly the case. Generally, these are like monogamous relationships, in the sense that you go on dates with someone you’re interested in and get along with, which may eventually lead to sleeping with that person.
The only difference is that, in poly-relationships, you do this with a number of people simultaneously. Christie explained to us that, like in monogamous relationships, things like communication and honesty still apply, and jealousy is just as much of a problem.
I really think polyamory is a form of radical love that is slowly, but surely, replacing the outdated hetero-normative kind. People are realizing that being forced into lifelong monogamy is not how many of us are hardwired. Why else are divorce rates at almost 50 percent? Why else is there so much cheating and heartbreak?
In the end, like all relationships, polyamorous ones are dealt with on an individual basis. Feel like only being with one person? Then do so. Feel like being with a few? Why not?
If we could all wrap our heads around this concept of love, I don’t think relationships would be such a crapshoot. Say you’re dating three people and one of them breaks up with you. Yes, it would hurt, but you would always have another person who is there for you.
“
| — | From the Excalibur, a Univeristy newspaper |
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Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.
NOTE! This episode’s bonus content
For Poly Weekly iPhone app users: bonus audio content is for the poly and single daters in the crowd, especially the introverts: dating #Mojo points and how and why they work
Interview: Mark Yu Mark Yu is a Kinbaku / Nawa Shibari artist/educator, bamboo artist and Feng Shui design consultant. His bondage and art draw from his lifetime study of Oriental medicine and twenty years of clinical experience treating muscle pain and bio-mechanical dysfunction.
Mark has taught bondage, healing arts and energetic play techniques publicly and privately for several years, to include standing-room only workshops at Shibaricon and two very popular workshops in Seattle in 2005. He is a devotee of Taoist Oriental Medicine and Zen and a pioneer and advocate of progressive alternative energetic and bio-mechanically based body disciplines.
Mark is also the Grand Poobah of The Jade Gate Studio and Gallery recently relocated to Portland and maintains a blog with insights on Shibari, erotic art and writing, rope and BDSM issues at JadeGate.blogspot.com
Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
